Soulless.

It's been so long.. That I haven't seen your face. I'm tryna be strong but the strength I have is washing away. It wont be long before I get you by my side. And just hold you, tease you, squeeze you, tell you what's been on my mind~

Went thru high school with Akon's songs on the radio. Most of them are good and I still sing 'em now. Aaaaaaaanyway, it HAS been so long since I write. I wanted to, I just did not.


So, my family suffered a loss. A good cousin of mine passed away. It was unreal. I was in the middle of all that from the beginning of that horrific day. Right from the gut-wrenching scream of my aunty calling for my dad telling him the hospital called and asked her to come immediately until the burial. 

It was the first time I have ever experienced that. My grandfather passed away when I was 12, everything was a blur back then. This time tho, I don't know. I don't handle this kind of stuff well. Not as in I'll get depressed or some shit. It's as in I don't know how to handle the people around me that time. What to do? What to say? Where to look? What's the appropriate conversation topic? How to console the people around me? Is it okay if I don't cry? (It's bad guys, I do not know how to cry)

???????????????????????????????????

I am sad. Terribly. My cousin was young. He had always been a good cousin to me. We might not have been tight, best buds. But, he was family. One of the close few. The hardest part was, waiting for the arrival of his wife outside the ward. She came and asked where is her husband. What was I supposed to say???? What was I supposed to do?????? It was heartbreaking. How do you console a wife that had been taking care of her comatosed husband everyday without fail even when she's working for quite some time, then one morning, she got a call, rushed to the hospital, and the first person she see do not know how to answer the question of where is her husband at. 

The only two times I cried was when I was hugging the wife, and the sister of my cousin. Other than that, it would have looked like I am a girl without a soul, without compassion. I am sad of the passing of my cousin, I think of how his life ended without notice, how one day he woke up from a nap, not knowing what happened but unable to move. And now, gone. How he's going thru the phase after life. 

But for me, it's true. We pity the dead, but even more so the living.